Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Eye's wide open

As many know, we have struggled with infertily for years now. It has the hardest path I've ever faced in life. God has shown me a lot and taught me a lot on this path. It is amazing how close we come to Him in times of trouble, and so easily forget how much we need to lean on Him. I'm sure I am going through this for a reason - because he wants me to draw close to Him, closer than I even have been before. Marriage has been a tough road, yes. Infertily is x100 as hard.....maybe there is no end to how high I could rate the pain of this path. Yet, I know he will never give us more than we can handle. I know however, my path is still not as hard as others....

Recently, a couple - a friend of my hubby's had a baby - sweet, newly married couple before their first anniversary they welcome a little girl into their hearts. She was a beautiful babe, with a hair full of beautiful. For some reason, God called the baby home at just six short weeks. I believe God has a plan in everything, yes even the pain of losing a child. ( Please understand, I know those of you reading this may disagree, and I am so deeply sorry for you and your family. I cannot even fathom that pain. So I also do want to come across as insensitive dear brothers & sisters ) However, let me share what God showed me. We went to this sweet baby's memorial, and God revealed something to me. How selfish I have been, stuck on my own sorrow of being childless and broken. He has been so good to us. Yes, we have not had a baby - but we also have never lost a baby through miscarriage or otherwise. This thought has really stuck in my brain, so I feel lead that I should share my thoughts. I did not have blinders on to the world, I knew childloss through miscarriage & childbirth existed and felt for them. However, I never knew how that would feel when I dealt with the emotions in public, or when I hugged the mommy who lost her sweet baby, or when I pray for both the husband and wife who are coping with a loss so early in their marriage.

God has lead us to be a quiverful family - so as such I KNOW the babies will come! As such, I will lean on God to work out the timing. In the meantime our path is bright and hopeful and while it is painful right now - He will work all things for His glory. Even now - I await results for my bloodwork testing my thyroid for . I really don't care about how it turns out, I'm just am so thankful to have a path to go down - rather than the same status quo.

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