Hello, 2013!

I was just inspired by a friend who wrote a post about her New Year's Resolutions, up till now I have been pretty shut mouthed about what I want to do with my year. My Mom has also asked me, so now I think that is also a sign I needed to write today. Maybe not, but I have missed writing so much- so I will enjoy doing so.

 (...I know "blah blah, get ON with it!")

I think last year, for the most part I cannot remember what I resolved to do. I believe one was lose weight, which I did. But I think I gained it back since Thanksgiving..*sigh*. Read my bible, for sure failed fell short of that. I don't remember what else! I blame it on I have slept since then...heehee

 No excuses, this year I resolve:

 ~~~Take a picture everyday! - as a photographer, I for one easily get bogged down in the business of it all. The running of my business on etsy, editing photos, networking, networking...more networking. So I plan to KEEP BEING INSPIRED!

 ~~~Read the bible, and pray with my husband- even if just a prayer at night. - As of late, I have really had my eyes opened to the fact if we are not keeping close with God we are really allowing Satan a free pass to tear us down. (ps Josh and I are doing GREAT! I just don't want to allow Satan ANY foothold!)

 ~~~Read 30 Books - a great resolution I stole from my friend that she had for this year! I love it and I have read a total of 3 books since being married. I really miss doing this! ~~~Spend less time on the computer, and more time enjoying life!

~~~Run a 5k. again..my last one a few years ago was a disaster.

 ~~~Take up crocheting again...;) I have already started!

 ~~~GET A CUTE HAIRCUT!...maybe, I am always fighting myself on this one!

 ~~~Continue to allow God to work on my sorrow.

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 There it is, I cannot think of what else to add so that will be it. My goals, as more come to me during the year. I feel I should explain the last one here...this last two year was hard- God has asked quite a lot of me. The emotional toll has been so hard, for both Josh and I. Even though I truly believe (as I keep saying) I trust God is in control of ALL things- however when it comes to my womb I somehow feel responsible for it. It is my body that month after month isn't pregnant and now that it is really 2013, it has hit me like a ton of bricks that we still don't have a baby. It is okay though, God has really helped me lift my head and slowly and quite stubbornly I might add- I am releasing it to Him. Because he knows my desires and prayers, and He knows I will never stop praying for that child of mine.

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Father's Day for the childless

Father's Day, a time to celebrate the awesomeness that is our fathers! Especially our heavenly Father above! However I was in Dollar Tree this morning with my Mom, and we were selecting a card for the Dad's in our lives. As I stood there reading a card for my grandfather, I thought of my dear husband who is again without a son or daughter to rejoice in the fact of being a father. I thought of what an amazing Dad he'll be someday, and it was a very bittersweet moment. I hurt for my husband, even though he hasn't said once today how he isn't a Dad as of yet...I felt sorrow just like I had around Mother's day. I am scared of having a child depend on me and raise it in the way that is should go...however that doesn't lessen my feelings. Every month the God tells us "Not right now, it isn't time yet" I have such a hard time keeping my head up and not second guessing the "whys" of His choice. I know it will happen, trust me I KNOW this...I also hear it all the time. I also hear: "Enjoy your husband! You will never get this time again." I think if I hear this sentence once more I will explode! I say that because I AM, I AM enjoying my husband! This is so frustrating to hear. It just is hard  for both of us around that certain time of the month when it is obvious not going to be that month...again. I am so proud of my husband, I want him to have a baby so much. Sweetie, here is a card to you that I would have bought today if they sold it:

Sweetheart, today there are so many reasons to list how amazing you are. How much you do for others, and for me. I wish this card could say more as to how special you are to me and all those around you. I wish today was the day we had a baby, or had found out we were expecting. Since this is not that day, I want you to know how thankful I am to have you, and how much you bless me everyday. How sweet you're and kind. You're going to be a fantastic father someday, so a very Happy Father's Day my love.

Love- your sweet baby girl

I know there are so very many couples like us, unable to have children or just not gotten pregnant. I used to feel unhappy that they were out there. Now knowing some of where they're coming from my heart completely goes out to them, to you if you are reading this! (((hugs)))

~*~Megan~*~

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