This past year has been the busiest I can think of to date for us and we are just getting started. Last year brought our first home selling, an emotional and difficult task. Josh and I both knew it was time but it held many wonderful memories. We got married in that backyard, we lived with my family for over four years, celebrated many birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, new pets, remodeling....and so much more! It was a lot of growth. It also held a lot of painful ones for Josh and me, I cried myself to sleep more nights than I could count, watched more TV just to escape, we lost a lot of joy in seeing and loving everything about babies and children, fought depression, went through fertility testing and treatments, surgery just to be told there was nothing more they could do besides IVF.
But, through all this, there is healing, joy, and comfort. I don't know if we will ever experience the joy of welcoming our own biological child, but that pain is much dimmer now. I cry out to you all who are still in the middle of this numbing pain that no one can relate to around you, except those that have been there themselves. We may never have experienced the loss of a child, but from the bottom of our hearts, we ache for you. You are not alone. God has not left your side dear ones, even when the pain screams highly than we can hear. When we cry so hard we cannot see through the tears. He is there. We might never understand fully "why" but we can take comfort that this is not in vain. God allows but He does not ignore. He hears you. The path may take us differently than we ever expected and have different results, but you have a story He wants you to have!
Now, we have moved again. To the home, we WILL bring our first child home too. That is a healing statement I have to tell you, at least for me. Our plans to adopt have started healing the deep scars in me. No longer are they always bleeding but they have slowed and scabbed over. I will not lie and say it is easy now. Far from it, my heart still catches at times when I see any child just walking with his Dad and think of my husband who has no child's hand to hold, I still hold my breath for a moment when someone learns of our infertility- bracing for what they will say next with that well-meaning comment. I have to swallow crying with any pregnancy announcement, no matter how overjoyed I am for that family. However, God has been healing us, growing in us, drawing us closer together as a couple when it could have broken us. Have hope dear reader, no matter where you are on your journey. I promise God can and will heal all wounds.
For the first time in years, I am excited about the new year and the things to come. We both are. We have a renewed hope. Praying your new year is happy and blessed dear friends and readers.
Megan
But, through all this, there is healing, joy, and comfort. I don't know if we will ever experience the joy of welcoming our own biological child, but that pain is much dimmer now. I cry out to you all who are still in the middle of this numbing pain that no one can relate to around you, except those that have been there themselves. We may never have experienced the loss of a child, but from the bottom of our hearts, we ache for you. You are not alone. God has not left your side dear ones, even when the pain screams highly than we can hear. When we cry so hard we cannot see through the tears. He is there. We might never understand fully "why" but we can take comfort that this is not in vain. God allows but He does not ignore. He hears you. The path may take us differently than we ever expected and have different results, but you have a story He wants you to have!
Now, we have moved again. To the home, we WILL bring our first child home too. That is a healing statement I have to tell you, at least for me. Our plans to adopt have started healing the deep scars in me. No longer are they always bleeding but they have slowed and scabbed over. I will not lie and say it is easy now. Far from it, my heart still catches at times when I see any child just walking with his Dad and think of my husband who has no child's hand to hold, I still hold my breath for a moment when someone learns of our infertility- bracing for what they will say next with that well-meaning comment. I have to swallow crying with any pregnancy announcement, no matter how overjoyed I am for that family. However, God has been healing us, growing in us, drawing us closer together as a couple when it could have broken us. Have hope dear reader, no matter where you are on your journey. I promise God can and will heal all wounds.
For the first time in years, I am excited about the new year and the things to come. We both are. We have a renewed hope. Praying your new year is happy and blessed dear friends and readers.
Megan
